Monday, 01/28/2008

Blog Entry #13

For the thirteenth time, The King hates you with a passion. Yes, it’s true. We made it to the thirteenth blog (Don’t take that “we” I just threw out the wrong way. I hate you and we are not the same. That will never change). Thirteen is a great number. It is THE unlucky number. And I’m proud to have made this bullshit blog become unlucky. Well, listen up you nerds, as promised in my last blog I am going to talk about the biggest bad ass of all time. No, not Satan. Satan is a pussy next to this guy. I’m talking about Charles Fucking Bronson. Yes, Fucking is his middle name. It’s French. Charles Bronson is without a doubt the biggest bad ass of all time. Nobody holds a blowtorch to Charles Bronson. Before he was an actor, Mr. Bronson was in WWII. Now, this is my theory. Hitler’s death was a small mystery. We don’t know if he killed himself, or if the Russians killed him. Who really gives a shit? He’s dead, that’s all that matters. The Russians claimed that he killed himself, but who are they to believe? This is what I think. I think that Charles Bronson single handedly made it into Hitler’s palace or castle or mansion or whatever the fuck he lived in. He made it into Hitler’s quarters undetected, killed Hitler, and escaped without anybody knowing. And that is how Hitler died. Don’t believe whatever anyone else tells you. Do you want to know how to end the Iraqi War? We nned to resurrect the late Charles Bronson, pull back all our troops, and send him over there with just two revolvers. No more guns and no extra bullets. I guarantee you, in 24 hours the entire Iraqi army will be dead. If Charles Bronson was president there would be no wars. That’s because he would nuke every other single country. There can’t be any wars if there is no one to go to war with. If you have never seen a Charles Bronson film, then you have two options. One, kill yourself. Two, go out and watch them all. They are so fucking awesome. And he doesn’t need these fancy one-liners or catch phrases, he just kills the mother fuckers. In “Death Wish II”, he noticed that one of his criminal soon-to-be-victims had a cross around his neck. Charles asked him, “Do you believe in Jesus?” The creep replied, “Yeah, why?” Charley said, “Because you’re about to join him,” seconds before filling the punk with a few .357 slugs. The man just had a way with words. In “Assassination”, he banged this chick. The next morning she asked him if he had a good time. He responded, “Yes, I haven’t gotten sleep that good in ages.” Like I said in Blog 12. Only one man is allowed to commit murder…. and that is Charles Bronson. In the world we live in today, we could use another Charles Bronson. Yes, I know they were just movies. But you’re forgetting the fact Mr. Bronson didn’t just play a vigilante, he was a vigilante. We don’t know that yet, but one day the truth will surface. Don’t fuck with Charles Bronson.

PS- This was just a little treat for you screw-ups. I thought it would be nice for you fags to see something The King is actually passionate about, but don’t get the wrong idea. I still hate you.

                                          Rest in peace Charley!

Posted by The King at 1:56 PM EST

Updated: Friday, 02/01/2008 2:05 PM EST

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