Blog Entry #6

 
I hate you, all of you. I’ll tell you something, people always tend to piss me off. That’s why I hate them. This chick calls me up and she wants to have sex. Naturally, she calls the town whore. I get there and I’m ready to dive head first into a nice pink taco. I’m ready to get down and dirty. Then she tells me she’s on her period. What are you fucking kidding me? People never make any sense. Why would you call me and tell me you want to fuck, but you can’t? Well maybe we could, but I’m not a big fan of blood. Especially that night I had whiskey dick. So that’s not a good combo. I did get close to making it with my last ex while she was on the rag, but I used my better judgment. I have to give women a lot of credit though. You won’t see us guys bleeding out of our asses for a week straight once a month. We would probably blow our heads off before we would let that happen. You have to love having a penis sometimes. It’s great! You can pee standing up, shoot targets when you’re bored, tea bag your friends when they get drunk and pass out, and you always have a toy to play with. Having a vagina must have its kicks too. Me, I’d be shoving everything up there.  Pennies, tennis balls, pool cues, pencils, marbles, footballs (if your that chick I hooked up with from the nightclub the other night), paint brushes, carrots, you name it. There is two things I would want to do if I had a vagina, out of curiosity of course to see if they are possible. 1.) Smoke a cigarette through it. I would like to see if that would work. It is a muscle. 2.) Pop pills in it. I want to see what would happen if you stuck a few Xanies up there, opposed to throwing them down your throat. Would the gina juice absorb them up? Alright, enough with the vagina. The only things I shove in vaginas are my fingers, my tongue, the occasional toy, and of course my penis. The one thing that is genetically engineered to pleasure the female vagina is the male penis. It’s a work of art, especially mine. But I don’t want to talk about penises either. Who am I kidding, I love sex talk. All of guys do. It’s like when women talk about clothes. Which ones more exciting? Clothes or sex? Unless it’s sex clothes. You know what I’m talking about. Some of that kinky shit. Personally, I’m not into the whole bondage thing. I do like the occasional role playing. Not that I need something to spice it up. I do just fine without it. I know that me and my current ex’s problems didn’t involve the bedroom. Everything else maybe. But we were just fine in the sack. More than fine. It’s just good genes I guess. All the men in my family are cocksmen. We work on instinct. Yup, good genes.